the cardigan of FEAR

One of the things I think is hilarious about having knit for quite a few years now is how much more fear I have now than I did when I was first knitting. You see, I learned to knit and purl (but NOTHING else--not even casting on/binding off) at age 12, but then learned for real about 8 years ago. After I made the class's two dishcloth patterns twice each, I tackled baby sweaters! I had no fear that they would come out wonky (they did, the babies didn't care). I had no fear of other people seeing my handiwork and sitting in judgement (no one looked beyond the babies!).

And now those same babies are nine and growing out of their sweaters and I am paralyzed with fear. I worry that I'll make something wonky or too big (they'll GROW) or something hideous. I have an idea in my head what I'd like to have the sweater turn out as, but I fear I won't be able to match the picture in my head.

It is a paralyzing fear.

I started this journey looking at patterns and I found one that came close: the Tomboy Cardigan. I showed the sweater to my girls and they said... but in a different color, and with long sleeves, and with different buttons! Ah the children of knitters, so confident that their wished can be made into reality.

But then my swatch didn't even come close to getting guage. So I went back to thinking about my own design. Maybe using a Raglan calculator. But then I got scared. So I swatched again on a smaller size (at this point I'm at US size 6 on worsted weight yarn) and it feels about as tight as this yarn wants to be (and still move a bit!) and I'm fearing it might not be enough. I haven't measured it though.



I think I need a big dose of confidence that I can tackle this, do the math if I need to, to make this one come out right.