meh

I'm just going to come out and say it--I'm still struggling here. For the last few weeks I feel as if I am treading water. There is no energy for anything but keeping my head above water.

It sounds melodramatic. I don't think it is anything really to worry about because I think this time of year (the late January through February) is hard on many people in the northern Hemisphere. It is dark, and cold, and here in Michigan, snowy. We don't have enough to compare to Boston (oh poor Boston), but we had enough last week to give us a snow day and to totally throw all my routines out of whack. I hurt my back shoveling, I didn't sleep well, and as a consequence I feel like I totally lost last week. I didn't run, I barely knit, and every day just feeding my family felt like a monumental effort.

My knitting project has been singularly unexciting. So many little pieces, so many little mistakes that get ripped, re-knit, ripped again, and re-knit. Add many spaces between the steps, as every mistake seems to make me skip any knitting for an evening. Also little mistakes on a simple TOY (which was to be a gift, but now may not even get finished) make me lose confidence to try a bigger project. And then I sit here with yarn for three sweaterish/shrugish projects and a brand new knitting magazine (with a sweater I adore!) and I feel like starting all of them and none of them at the same time.

My husband is wonderful. He says--just make yourself a simple sock with some fun yarn. But even socks make me feel meh. I have so many socks. Socks that need to be darned. I even gave up on TWO pairs. These:

and another pair I don't think I ever photographed! Heck that means they aren't done right? Anyway pictured pair has been darned many times, and keeps sprouting new holes in different places. If I fix the current holes, I will have replaced pretty much the entire sole. The other pair--I've blown out both heels. I could fix them, but realized I don't like them that much (see--no picture, how could I possibly have liked them). And having given up on two pairs means that I still have enough socks to wear a new pair every day and still not run out by laundry day. Maybe I'll do a sock census.

I do know that for me there is only one thing that pulls me out of these moods. Just keep plugging until spring gets here. Just run, and knit and take care of the family. Just let people take care of me. A saving grace for me is that in the middle of all the February-ness there are bright spots: valentine's day, butterfly volunteering, my birthday and my lovely daughters' birthday. So hopefully next time, I'll have pictures and maybe a brighter outlook.

In the meantime, if you too are feeling meh: hang on, it will get better.